I’ve been joking that after watching “Outlander,” a Starz television show that takes place in Scotland during the 18th century right before the last Jacobite Rebellion, I am wholeheartedly pro-secession for Scotland in the modern day. Now I’m like sort of confused, because I don’t actually know if the highlanders wearing kilts were technically British even in those days, and were any of them really Celtic warriors? Also, the modern day referendum has nothing to do with Celts and fairies and bravery, it’s more about democracy for a country that wants to splinter off from what is seen as the “global oligarchy” of America and Great Britain. Which means that I’m still pro-secession, but also, have no idea what I’m talking about.
I’m going to break my thoughts on Outlander for a second — which, by the way, are going to be about sex, so stay tuned — to talk about America. So, I was heavy into intervening into Syria because I knew, I KNEW that this shit was going to get out of control. Why I knew, probably because I was reading the New Yorker. Anyway, now I’m like, “Why are we responsible for all of this shit? And can we even fix it, or do we have to leave it alone, and let it run its course?” The first twenty arguments pro-intervention have to do with global interconnectedness and foreign policy. Low down on the list is that ISIS terrorists could come over here on American passports. I wish someone would come over here and have a conversation with me I’ve been alone for like 48 hours. Anyway, then this past week, I have been reading about pleas from the President of Liberia — a woman, yes! — that President Obama send troops to help contain the Ebola epidemic. And I’m like, why does the United States always get called on instead of, say, the Chinese? Because the Chinese are like, “What? Fuck you,” and the United States is, in a way, built on a national identity of morality and doing “good.” (SORT OF LIKE CELTIC WARRIORS!!) So our government is like “Ugh, fine, we’ll commit our troops and resources because that’s the right thing to do.” So you know what, fuck you, world. You hate us but you also expect us to save you. Maybe that’s sort of what feudalism was like? I don’t know.
On another side note, I have a funny Chinese story. So, Caleb is at all of these factories figuring out manufacturing for the new brand he’s working with. There, they discussed with the owner a difficult problem regarding manufacturing something or another in the United States. Apparently it was too expensive. The Chinese factory owner was like, “Why don’t you just hire some Mexicans?” Literally, he said that. And one of the guys Caleb works with is Mexican. He was like, “Um, I’m a Mexican.” And the Chinese guy was like, “No, I mean like the illegal Mexicans who are poor.” Anyway, Chinese people are more like Americans than I think we care to realize. I JUST MADE A CONTRADICTION OF SORTS.
So, Outlander. I knew I was going to like the television program as far back as when I saw posters for it on the subway because:
a. I love romantic Starz television programs that take place in times when everyone was filthy. You feel me, “Pillars of the Earth?” What the what, Eddie Redmayne’s introduction to the world?
b. I love Celtic warriors
c. One thing that you can trust about a Starz program is that they don’t fuck around with casting “accurate” types, they just cast hot people
d. They do not scrimp when it comes to sex scenes. Or, as my friend Dan says, Starz’s unofficial model is, “Come for the violence, stay for the sex!”