I’m on the fucking home stretch now. I can see the finish line from here, baby, and it looks like a popsicle I’m going to treat myself with, waiting for me in the freezer.
Now, there were some truly awful dresses last night, a few of them hilariously so. Watch me as I flay them below.
(Can you flay a dress? PROBABLY NOT. Fuck you.)
I’m almost positive that Beyonce wore the worst dress of the evening. I mean, you can literally SEE her ass through the back of it. And talk about highlighting your vagina. When I first saw it, I was like, oh no you didn’t, girl. Oh no you didn’t wear House of Dereon.
But then I realized it was fucking GIVENCHY, and I lost my faith in the entire brand. Forever.
Like, who do you think you are, Beyonce? Cher?
Given that the event was populated mostly by Hollywood stars, many of the dresses were uninspired, chosen by the same stylists, and fashion-police-safe. I almost want to call this the “Oscar’s Category.” But instead, I’ll go with “The Boring.”
Wendy Murdoch fucking owns you. And all of your political opinions. She doesn’t need to inspire you with her fashion choices as well.
She’s wearing Vera Wang—literally. I think that if Vera Wang let go of her, she’d topple over from hunger.
Is it alright if I don’t write an intro? I have to fly through this commentary, because I’m fucking myself for the rest of the day wasting time on this shit. And there’s still about 100 dresses to go.
Without further ado, here’s the good from last night’s Gala.
It’s funny, when I interviewed Harold Koda (the head curator of the Costume Institute) for Departures, he said that his biggest secret pleasure was lobsters, and here Anna Wintour is, wearing one on her Prada dress. I love it!
Anna’s fur stole looks completely insane, and is not weather appropriate, but come on, she looks classy. And I like it when she goes out on a limb, rather than wearing a floral skirt, a cardigan, and kitten heels. This outfit is good.
Her daughter, Bee Shaffer (does anyone know what the fuck Bee Shaffer does?), dressed in Erdem, also looks good, although the neckline is, in my opinion, completely snooze.